4. They pretend they’re sleeping, unless you’re giving them something they want.
A dachshund is sound asleep, usually on their back or in a crevice on your body you didn’t know existed, until they are triggered.
Trigger words include “walk” and “food”.
Do not summon them otherwise, your attempts will be futile.
5. They foil all of your attempts to put them on a diet.
Speaking of food. They have diet food because sausage dogs are perpetually overweight. They just don’t… eat it.
Dachshunds much prefer your dinner because it is superior. They will only eat their diet dog food in dire circumstances, like when they can’t convince you to share your plate.
You try to reason with them and tell them they need to stay lean to look after their spines. Yet they give precisely zero f*cks.
6. They will snipe at other dogs then pretend they didn’t do anything.
“Looks at me, look, look, look I’m over here. Now I’m here. Over here. Now I’m biting your nose.”
As soon as another dog gets fed up with their sh*t and barks, growls, or tries to bite, the dachshund calls on a human for back up.
“I didn’t do anything,” their tiny little faces insist. But you both know the truth.